Self Denial

Jesus Christ said that whoever wanted to follow Him, must take up their cross and deny self everyday. Self-sacrifice! Hmmmm......? Have you ever wondered what that actually meant? I mean on the surface, it seems simple enough, but I believe Jesus meant for us to go a little deeper than just the surface. Tonight, the Lord revealed something to me about me. I'm very selfish and self centered. Yup, I said it, but it's not as easy as it sounds. You see, I've always loved my favorite verse, "But seek ye first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things will be added to you." (Matthew 6:33). This has been my life verse and I always desired to do just that, but I kept missing the mark, and the reason for this was due to my selfish nature. God has a funny way of getting my attention. Tonight, my wife and I decided to play a video for my daughter, Sophie Grace, to see if she would enjoy it. The video we selected was non other than veggie tales about St. Nicholas. Instead of Sophie Grace sitting down and watching it, I was the one that was drawn into it. Ok, I couldn't help it - it was cute. Anyway, the story was about St. Nicholas and his humble beginnings, but he was driven by his desire to give to others based on the example of Jesus Christ himself. Jesus gave of himself and laid his life down for us so that we could have everlasting life with Him in heaven. He laid down his life for us! For me! And for what reason? Because He loved me! This is what He meant by denying self. Sacrificial love! Jesus gave everything he had, even his life for my sake. And this is what he is asking that we love in that way. That our love for each other have a purpose. That we love like He loved. Tonight, I realized that I have not been living my life like He asked of me. I have been living a lie. This year, my wife and I decided to finally get serious about living a life that is debt free and we agreed that we each would not get each other anniversary and or christmas gifts. And deep down inside, I know that this is what is best for us, but deeper still, I wanted to still give her a gift and in return hope that she would still consider giving me one. I started thinking of all the things that I so wanted to give my wife. I want to give her the world, because I love her so much and I just want to make her happy and proud of me. But I have to grow up and I have to accept the fact that by getting us out of dept - would be the best way to show her how much I love her. To be dept free would give her a sense of peace, freedom, and security - and what other way is there to show her how much I love her. Second to be a true follower of Christ, I need to live like Christ and give like Christ - sacrificially, with a joyful heart. And how better to be able to help others with what I have been given than to be able to do it because I'm dept free. I have a lot to think about and pray about. Not only has God told me what I need to do to be a follower of his, but He has shown me when He willing laid down his life on that cross.

I pray dear Father, that you will forgive me for being selfish and placing my desires and needs before you and before those that I love. Help me to get to that point in my life where its not about me, but about you and about others. In Jesus name - AMEN!

Unsure

I have been gone for the past 7 or 8 days. Left the US and visited the UK. It was an interesting trip, met up with some new guys - some of which I hope to hang out with one day - but who knows. Well, I'm in a bit of a quandary - I'm stepping onto new territory and quite frankly, I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do.

A Whisper in the Wind

Your voice was like the wind blowing softly in the distance.
A wind that kept blowing and would not die.
I was like a lost lamb roaming aimlessly in the dark,
Having no sense of direction - following others like myself.
And still the wind blew.
You called me by name as if you knew me, yet you were a stranger to me
I did not know you, so I ignored you.
And still the wind blew.
But you did not give up.
You kept calling my name, but I kept ignoring you
I kept searching, for what, I did not know.
And still the wind blew.
My life grew emptier and emptier day by day
No matter what I did to fill the void, I could not.
And still the wind blew
The wind grew stronger and stronger day by day
Till one day I could no longer ignore my name being carried in the wind.
I heard you calling my name
calling me to come
And this time I listen and followed.
That day, I cried like I've never cried before.
I cried like a child being reunited with his parents after being lost for so long.
I cried tears of joy.
And as I cried, I looked up and out of the darkness, there stood a light riding in the winds.
A light so bright, yet it did not blind me.
A light so bright, yet I was not afraid.
And as I looked around me, the darkness was gone
And you took me in your arms and embraced me.
From that moment on, I walk with the light, having no empty voids, because You filled my life.
And now, each time I hear the wind blowing, a smile forms on my lips and my spirit is lifted
For each time the wind blows, I hear you calling my name.

Family Time At The Beach

So I am here at home with my Mother-in-law enjoying the day. This past weekend, we went up to the beach and spent a few hours there. At the end of the day. we packed up and loaded up the car. My uncle ted brought some fresh water from home so that we could wash off the sand from our feet before getting back into the cars. I actually performed this service on my Mother-in-laws feet. She made the comment, "Wow, this must be a spiritual thing for me to have my son-in-law wash my feet." My response was, "Well, it may be a spiritual thing for you, but for me, it's a humbling thing." I told them that this reminded me of that commercial, "What would you do for a klondike bar and you have this guy rubbing his mother-in-law's feet."

I do have to admit that it was a little bit weird, but I think it brought us closer.

Sophie Grace loves the beach and the water. She was not in the least bit scared. In fact, she does not want you to hold her hand as you enter the water - she wants to do it all by herself. At one point, Robin was with her, and when Sophie saw the wave coming toward her, she turned and ran for the beach. She didn't make it and ended up being knocked over by the wave and she went under for a brief moment before mommy could get to her. It scared her for a bit, but not enough to keep her from going back into the water.

I am glad that we have decided to enroll her in a year round swimming lessons.

Summer is nearing its end

Summer is coming to an end. Yes, we still have a few months, but in terms of life - its close to ending. My wife, Robin, had to go back to work today after being off for the summer. Yesterday, Robin was a little sad because she had to go back to work. But the good news is that she enjoys her job. That makes it all worth it.

My daughter also has gone back to daycare. I'm happy that she's back in daycare. The daycare is through Robin's school district and it's run like a school. Being that Sophie was a premie, I want her to have all the stimulation that she can have before starting school.

I'm also getting ready to start school again this fall semester. I am taking 12 hours or 4 classes. So I will be working full time and going to school full time. Please pray for me as I begin this race that I endure to the very end. I have such a good cheerleader on my side (Robin) who does the best to cheer me on and encourges me. I don't believe that I would be doing what I'm doing if it weren't for her on my side. I'm also getting excited knowing that as I continue in my studies, I get closer and closer to my graduation date (which by the way is in 2012). It seems so far off, but it will be here before you know it.

I love both my girls so much! God has truly blessed me! Sophie is starting to talk a little more and putting words together to form sentences. She has started calling me daddy instead of dada. It makes my heart happy to hear her say daddy.

Random Thoughts

Well, I am busy trying to get my office clean up. It seems like everytime I clean it up, the clutter reappears in a day or two. During this vicious cycle, I have come to learn that I am not as organized as I should be. I think that if I can be organized then I would be able to work more efficiently and be more productive. This is something that I have to work on. So please pray for me.

Later today, my Wife and I will be heading off to "Meet the Teacher" event at Sophie's daycare. I hate the fact that daycare cost so much, but I am glad that Sophie will be at the district daycare for teachers. Being that she was a premie, I want to make sure that she is developmentally ready when she starts school. It is so exciting to see and hear her as she learns.

We have a daily routine at bath time. After her bath, as I am getting her ready for bed, we say our alphabets together, along with counting from 1 to 10 in both english and spanish. Then we say a couple of phrases in spanish like, "Hola Mommy!" It is so cool. I do want her to be bilingual. That is going to be tough since I have to think about speaking in spanish and since I don't speak it quite often, it's hard to think of things to say on the spot. The good news is that this semester, I will be taking intermediate spanish and that will at least help.

Well gotta go - talk with you guys later.

Lazy Days of Summer

Well summer is just about over for most of us, and quite frankly I have to say that for me I feel as if I've been lazy all summer long. There was a list of things that I wanted to do for me personally. But as usual I tend to procrastinate to the point that I believe it is causing me more harm than good. I have had this non caring attitude and have just allowed much of time just pass me by. I hate that feeling. It feels as if I have just overslept most of the days of summer leaving very little day light left for me to accomplish very little.

Well, I need to make up for time lost and I want to. The problem is getting started. Taking that first step is always the hardest. My heart and mind tells me to go, but my body tells me to just sit and relax. Well this is going to be a battle of the epics. I intend to fight, but God knows that I can't do it alone. I need Him (Jesus) who strengthens me to give me the strength that I need to turn over a new leaf.

Recently, my wife and I joined the "Y" with the intent of working out to get in better shape. Well, it took some time, but I finally made it to the gym yesterday and worked out on the treadmill for at least 20ish minutes. It was hard. Then I called Andy and he convinced me to join him at the gym this morning. After much convincing from my wife, I finally agreed to meet him at 6:30am. Well I did meet him this morning, but not at 6:30, instead I met h im at around 7am and I worked out for 30 minutes. Though I hated to be there, I have to admit that I feel better for having gone.

Well, this is the push that I needed. And I hope and pray to God that I continue doing it and making progress as I go.

God is good and to Him I give all the glory....Amen!

How Does Your Garden Grow?

Hey, it's been awhile since I have posted, but I really don't have must to post about. I guess I am just boring.

For my birthday, my mother-in-law, thought it would be nice to give me the material to have a raised garden since I have been talking about gardening. After many weeks later of procrastination. I finally put my garden together and I can't tell you how exciting I am about doing it. I transplanted tomato, Jalapenos, squash, and cucumber plants. Other than tomatoes, and Jalapenos, I have never attempted any other vegetables. It's been about two weeks now and so far so good - they are all still alive. I even went online to get some gardening tips. If all goes well, we should have plenty of tomatoes and the fixins very soon. I will keep you informed with the outcome of my garden.

Chow.

Funky Attitude

I'm in a funk! I just want to lay down, watch "Heros" and do absolutely nothing. I hate it whenever I'm in this mood cause I know that my family does not deserve my negative attitude. I'm think I'm like this because I am tired. Either that or I am in spiritual warfare. Who knows! All I know is that I am in a funk and I hate it. No matter what I do to try and get out of it - it does not work.

I think I'll just watch my show and call it a night.

No More Saturday Classes until Maybe this Fall!

I am done! It is finished! I have accomplished something that I have been trying to accomplish for a very long time. I have completed all of my basic core curriculum courses for college. Yay! Today was my last class in Intro to Computer Information Systems. And I believe that I have an "A". It feels really good to know that I have finally finished my basics. At the end of this semester, I will have accomplished another goal, I will have had earned enough credits going into next semester to be considered a Junior. Wow! I'm finally seeing some tangible results and it has ignited a new sense of hope, passion and drive to go all the way. If it all works out, I will hopefully be able to graduate in 2011. that's only a couple years away.

I'm excited! One day at a time and with God leading the way, I can do this! Seminary -- here I come!

My Heart Is Sad!

On Thursday, I found out that my friends Karl and Laura Harroff lost their baby. They were expecting in July and I believe this was her third failed pregnancy. When I found out about it, I felt sad for them but for whatever reason it didn't sink in too much until today. Today, I found out that there is going to be a funeral for their baby. That's when this cloud of sadness found it's way into my heart. As I sit here and blog about it, a tear drop is rolling down my cheek.

Just to imagine the pain, that Laura must be going through is beyond my comprehension. And then to think of Karl and what is role is right now. He has to be both the supported and encourager for his beautiful wife - and to know that he too is hurting.

There are so many questions that must be going through their minds and the tough part is not knowing the answers to them all. God is in control and I just pray that they are leaning on Him for all their needs.

Father God, You above all are holy and soverign. You created this world and You created us. You know our pains and hurts and only You can comfort those in need. I pray for my borther and sister Karl and Laura - that You would be with them at this time in their lives and show yourself in a mighty way to them. That Your peace that surpasses all understanding would envelope them and bring upon a calmness through this storm in their lives. Father, I thank You for they know You and it's their knowledge of you that brings them to the feet of Your alter. I love you and am thankful that you are in our live.

I pray all of this in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen.

God's Blessings!

In case you didn't know, Thursday's are my off day. This year, I have utilized Thursday's to either study, read, and or write my papers for class. Today, was a blessed day - I did not have any pressing homework and so I spent some of the morning just relaxing - IT WAS GOOD!

For my birthday this year, my sister Diana, blessed me with a nice expensive polo (type - not brand) shirt. After the first washing, it shrunk. Robin suggested (rather insisted) that I return the shirt for an even exchange. Problem was, I no longer had the receipt. I believe I got rid of it after the first exchange. Well, I just thought I was stuck with an expensive shirt that no longer fit me. I called MACY's and spoke with the floor manager and explained my situation. Without hesitation, she told me to just bring it in and they would either reimburse me or give me an even exchange - without my receipt. GOD IS GOOD ALL THE TIME AND ALL THE TIME GOD IS GOOD! OK!

So I grabbed my shirt and asked Sophie Grace if she wanted to take a trip with Daddy. She jumped off the couch and we preceeded upstairs to get ready to go. My daughter loves to just go. She loves the outdoors and given any chance to go somewhere, she will take it. So off we went to the mall. We had the best time there and she was so good. We ate at Chick-fil-A for lunch and then came back home so she could take a nap. These are the stuff that memories are made of.

Sophie Grace will be turning 2 years old in June 8th. It seems like just yesterday, she was born. I remember it all too well. I thank God for her whenever I think about it, and for me that's not good enough. Today, we received the bad news that friends of ours lost their baby. This was her third attempt at having a child and all three times, she miscarried. My heart goes out to them. This is a reminder for me of how blessed Robin and I are to have Sophie in our lives. I need to get into the habit of thanking God for Sophie and all the things He has blessed me with everyday. Without God, I would not have all the things I have now and for that I am grateful.

Lord, please forgive me for failing to acknowledge your goodness and help me to remember to give you the praise and glory everyday. Amen.

English major!? Really!?

I am 41 and I have declared my major. I am an English major. I've come full circle. Let me explain.

In my earlier years, in this thing called "life", I wrote - and I believe I wrote well. Somehow, somewhere, someone told me that I could not write, and I believed them. I believed their lies and because of that I my spirit was crushed. I have, since then, avoided taking college courses that dealt with literature and writing. I struggled with this for such a long time, that it has cost me years out of my life when it came to finishing college. I am 41 and still a sophomore in college. Due to this fear, I have felt inadequate and dumb.

In 2004, God sent me my help mate, my loving wife, Robin. She has been my biggest cheerleader, supporter and encourager. She was the very first one to tell me, "You're a good writer." And she continues to do so. Baby, if you're reading this - thank you so much for loving me and for always encouraging me.

I started working at Spring Baptist Church on July 16, 2006 and one of my job responsibilities, was to promote the single adult ministry in our monthly newsletter. I guess, God was going to make sure that I stopped running from the lies that I had come to believe so such a long time. So I began writing. Again my wife continued to express to me how good of a writer I was. Yet again, I still fought to believe that, but could not accept it. One day, someone told me that they enjoyed reading my articles and that I wrote well. I then started to notice that as I read, I would pick out all of the mistakes people would make in their writings. My wife, again would say, it's because your a writer and that's what natural writers do. Of course I didn't listen. Little did I know it, she was planting a seed in my mind.

On June 8, 2007, my baby girl Sophie was born. She came 11 weeks early weighing in at a mere 1 pound and 14 ounces. And because of her stature, she had to stay in the hospital for 6 weeks. During that time, people were always asking about her status, and it seemed like we were always having to repeat ourselves over and over again. Then one day, my wife found a website that allowed us to blog about our baby and if people wanted to log in to read it, they could. This avenue of communication, served two purposes. First, it allowed us to inform everyone at once about Sophie's condition and secondly, it forced me to write, which is something I hated to do.

As I continued to write, I noticed that I was feeling a little bit more confident in my abilities. In the fall of 2008, I decided to go back to school. I signed up for one class, in order to get my feet wet. During the school year, I chose my major and it was B.A. of Interdisciplinary Studies. Basically, a general degree. As the semester came to a close, I found out that before I could register for class, I had to meet with a counselor. The day I met with my counselor, she discussed my choice in majors. Long story short, I decided to choose English as my major because I knew that in order to conquer my fears, I had to face it and I had to challenge myself.

Wow! I never thought I'd be saying this, but I am not as scared as I once was. I know that this is a challenge that is going to help me with my confidence. I am no where close to being where I want to be as a writer, but I know that with God's strength and with my beautiful wife's love, support and encourgement, I can and will get there. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Come To The Cross!

On Saturday, April 11th, several single adults gathered at Spring Baptist Church to help decorate the crosses that would be on display. It's amazing how beautiful they always turn out. We never come to the cross with a preset plan or a pattern on how we think we should decorate the crosses. We just show up and do what we need to do and the Holy Spirit does the rest.

Isn't that how it is in real life. God does not expect us or need us to prepare ourselves for His calling. He calls and if we are obedient to his callings, He then works in our lives to creates something beautiful. He says, "Come, everyone who is thirsty, come to the waters; and you without money, come, buy, and eat! Come, buy wine and milk without money and without cost!" God is sending out an invitation to come and to come as we are.

So, for those of you that think you have to prepare yourself to receive Christ, all you have to do is come to the cross and receive the gift that the Lord has for you - Life! Eternal life with Christ in Heaven.

Why Blog?

Why blog? That is the question of the day. So many of my friends blog daily. And it seems like there are those out there that follow someone else's daily events. Why? I don't know. I signed up for Twitter and Facebook and I frankly don't have much to share in terms of my thoughts. Sometimes, I veg out and my mind becomes like mush. Well, I guess for me, the reason that I am even attempting to blog (once more) is to exercise my mind. I don't like to think, but if I don't, then I am wasting what gifts God has given me, the ability to use my mind. After all, "A mind is a terrible thing to waste." Right? Ok, so here goes, I will attempt to blog everyday - hopefully I can make it a habit that will benefit me in the end.

So, until tomorrow - Have a good night and God bless.